Mom Advice Central- Inspirational Stories For Moms

What My Daughter Taught Me: It's Her World, For Right Now.

I just became a stay-at-home-mom on July 26, 2005. I was thinking, now that I'm not in
Corporate America anymore I can get so much done before my new baby comes, December 1st
or whenever he/she decides to show up. I had it all planned how I was going to finally move
my shoes from the foyer closet up to the third floor master bedroom closet and I would not
have to hear my husband's complaints anymore. I was going to finally clean out my pots and
pans cabinet and organize it!!! I was going to purge all of my old clothes, deep clean the carpet,
scrub down the entire stove, rearrange the garage and storage room items, file our important
papers, throw out the last three years of magazines, keep up with the laundry and jump start
my writing career.

WELL, my 19-month old, Kasey, put a stop to all of that. Ever heard the saying "active
mommy makes an active baby?" - While I was pregnant with Kasey I worked out, daily up until
about month 8. So I guess that's why she likes to use the 4-foot stools to climb her way up to
the kitchen counter. She uses her potty/step stool as a start off to scale her way up the
bathroom counter (can you say Spider baby?) where she balances her belly on the face bowl to
play in the water, the other day I caught her sitting on top of the bathroom counter. She
struggles, grunts and pushes our extremely heavy dining room chairs out so she can climb in
the chair, then on top of the dining room table to stand and say "table, mommy!" She opens the
kitchen drawers and takes out the knives, finally it occurred to me to switch the knife location
with the spoons.

The first week I spent so much time yelling and crying and being frustrated that I was sure the
house was not big enough for the both of us. I was doing so many other things and not
focusing at all on Kasey and what was important. Then I realized, 'stay-at-home-mom' - I was
spending the time as a maid/housekeeper, not a mommy. Spending time with the kids is
exactly that. I really had not thought about it, I figured being at home meant I could do all of
the stuff that needed doing when I was not at home. Now we spend the bulk of our day on
the floor 'playing with' (learning) numbers and alphabets. We play with flash cards, we bounce
balls, sing songs, listen to Mozart, and read books It's amazing that she seems to learn about
3-4 new words everyday. It is so much less stressful now that I've decided to focus on her and
not me and what the house needs. I actually manage to squeeze in laundry here and there and
I try to do some stuff when she's napping for two hours. By then I'm exhausted, but I feel so
blessed to know that I have a hand in helping grow and flourish something so meaningful (and
cute). We take a walk around the neighborhood every other day and she gets to point out to
me all the things that she sees, from all of the words that she's learning. We usually run
morning errands on the other days and it's just great. It used to be so stressful, she wouldn't
get in her car seat and by the time we finished with that ordeal, I'd be sweating profusely,
disgusted and irritated. Now, she gets in her seat and sings or holds a conversation knowing
that she and mommy are in it for the long haul (until her favorite comes home from work,
Daddy!)

SUBMITTED BY: Karen Newkirk

An Unexpected Bonus

A funny thing happened when my daughter, Sara, left home and went away to college: we
got closer. Had I known this change would take place in our relationship, I may not have
sobbed or been quite so broken-hearted when I left her in front of her dorm, looking so small
and alone and scared.

She is, of course, enjoying college, as I knew she would. She is warm and outgoing and I was
sure she would meet people and make friends quickly, as she always has, and she did. She
calls home, to ask for money, but also to tell me funny stories about her new pal, Zak, and her
suite-mate, Melissa and this really cute guy she met on the quad.

None of that surprised me. Sara has the kind of easy confidence being young and cute and
very bright can bring, (forgive my bragging) and I had no doubt she would easily find a way
to fit into her new and exciting world.

What did pleasantly surprise me, is how her new status as a college woman has changed our
relationship. When she comes home for the weekend now, she is (almost) all mine. She is no
longer rushing off to her part-time job, or late to meet her friends at the mall, because they
have all gone away to school too. There are no marching band practices to claim her time, no
tennis matches she has to get to.

By the time she was a junior in high school, I barely saw her, though her bedroom was across
the hall from mine. I watched her perform with the school band at half-time of the football
games, I attended her tennis matches, once in a while I made a short visit to the store where
she worked, but she was always distracted, doing something else. Our conversations were
quick and light: When will you be home? How was your chemistry exam? Do you need some
money?
She was always busy, and so was I. We'd hug good-bye in the mornings before I left for work
and she for school, and often not see each other again until it was time to say good-night.
Things are different now.

When she comes home, she is relaxed and free of responsibilities or obligations. She tags
along with me to the supermarket, the hairdressers, wherever I may be going, in a way she
hasn't done since she was twelve. We go to afternoon movies and treat ourselves to
manicures. We hang out on the couch, reading magazines, showing each other the interesting
articles.

And we talk. About her new friends and my old ones, her classes and my work, why her dad
and I really got divorced and why my relationship with my second husband is so different and
better than my first marriage was.

I have learned something wonderful: If she were not my daughter, I would still love her, and
seek her as a friend, for she is smart and funny and generous, all the things you look for in a
pal. But I am, of course, her mother, making it that much sweeter to be with her. I get to love
her AND to be proud that I raised her to be someone easy to love

By Marlene Pyle To email the author or leave comments email Marlen Pyle